i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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