what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
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we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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