Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize