youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
