I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
