You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
