I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
