SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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