my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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