I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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