ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
