You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I smell stomach acid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
