im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
handjob tips. give me some.
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no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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