I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
