Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
