So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
