thus making me awesome and them whores
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
