it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
