I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
