where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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