Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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