is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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