i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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