were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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