I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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