a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
