Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
