You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
