I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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