i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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