the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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