Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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