why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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