; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
