good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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