youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
