never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
