I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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