how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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