he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
