I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
