1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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