you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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