you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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