I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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