I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
