im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
