why didn't you poke me back
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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