My liver just broke up with me...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
