Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
