Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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