i will never coherently bang her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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