Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
