I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
