I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
