yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
