I feel like abortions should bother me more
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
