Only a mothe r could love this liver
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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