he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
