I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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