He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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