Your dad touched me again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
