My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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