do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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