Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
