i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
