he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
